Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and also the numerically orderly 4,567th day that Paula and I have been married. We keep track of every day in the spirit of celebration. So my words today are about commemorating love and marriage.

For the mathematicians in the group, you may realize we are approaching our 13th anniversary. Although my triskaidekaphobia is mild, I will be more comfortable rejoicing about “4,749 Days” rather than “13 years.”

But the reason for focusing on days instead of years is more about appreciating each present moment; noting the achievement and the gladness of each morning, not waiting until the earth circles the sun to revel.

Right now, I’m feeling particularly festive about our salubrious relationship. We feel like it took us a good dozen years to find our groove. Perhaps we needed a lot of individual inner work and shared “processing” of each other and our marriage to realize a flow where we really have something to acclaim each day.

I’m far from declaring a victory and reluctant to offer advice, but I can tell you a few things I’m noticing. The cliché about how when you point the finger there are three pointing back at you arose for a good reason. Learning to focus on what is getting triggered in each of us vs. going into attack mode does oodles toward peace and harmony. Maybe this is the fruition of what I noticed at the beginning of October (see blog entry). Consciously valuing harmony over justice also seems important. Very few battles about who is right are worth the cost to the mood and the relationship. Simply letting go or quickly dismounting the horse of righteous indignation is utterly valuable. Generally being more spacious and accepting (not necessarily agreeing or confirming) of each other’s moods and idiosyncrasies also provides some lovely dividends.

So Happy Valentine’s Day and happy everyday. If you are fortunate to have a relationship, enjoy celebrating it and your partner. I’m looking forward to 4,568.

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